Single, Never Married, Over 30 and LDS? Now What?

OK, I have moved into a family ward and it is a little weird. I was going to a university ward, which is a ward for single college students under the age of 30. I was actually too old to be in the ward, but my old bishop had sympathy for me and let me stay longer, because we don't have a singles ward or organization here. But, since I graduated and still have not found anyone to marry, I have decided to move to a family ward.




Well, my first day at church was interesting. I was 2 minuets late, but my new bishop had already read my records in. I sat on the back row by the back door. My mother affectionately calls the back row the widow's row and yes I do sometimes feel like my husband died in the war in heaven, because he is certainly not here, but because my legs are too long to fit in any other row, my only choice was the back. I was glad to see my friend Anna there, which made me feel a little less like I had the word "single" stamped in neon on my forehead. But she left just after sacrament meeting, so the figurative, bright, day-glow(glows in the dark too),neon, sign returned to my forehead.





I was surprised at how noisy the ward was. Coming from a college ward with no marrieds usually means there are no children. I had forgotten how noisy little ones can be. I soon noticed an awful smell in the air and then realized that one of the "little ones" in the chapel had done a "big one" and his/hers parents either had not noticed or were waiting for the end of the meeting to take their child for a diaper change.



































The sacrament meeting was good, all in all. Just stinky. Lots of testimonys were born and hymns were sung. Afterward, the bishop showed me where to go for Sunday school. Sunday school was held in the relief society room. The bishop introduced me to a group of elderly women and I ended up sitting next to them. It became obvious they were not quite sure what to say to me. I tried make small talk, but in the end, I just ended up setting there. After Sunday school, I really needed to run to the "little girls" room. The bishop politely pointed to way down the hall to "newly refurbished" restrooms. When I got back to the restroom I found that both the doors had signs for restroom but neither door was marked men's or women's. I stood in front of the doors thinking, "should I just try one and hope for the best?" when suddenly a brother said rather loudly from across the hall, "they are unisex!". I gave him an embarrassed smile, said thank you and chose the closest door.




When I got back to the relief society room, there was a bunch young girls sitting in the room. At first I thought that I was in the wrong room, but I had left my purse sitting on my chair and it was still there. When the meeting started I found out that the young women actually meet with the Relief Society once a month for opening exercises. When the girls left, some other sisters came in and sat down beside me. I began to feel really out of place. All the women that were my age were sitting with baby on their lap or a child near by and they seem to be wearing white blouses with black skirts, like a mommy choir. All of the older women were more colorful but conservative clothes. I sat in my long, pink and white spaghetti strap dress with my beaded, white bolero jacket on top and my strappy, bohemian sandals, feeling the "single" sign burning brightly from my forehead.




I thought about it later though. The single thing will probably always be awkward, but I don't think I was made to blend in and that is ok.